...the moment of truth

"There never is any such thing as one truth to be found in dramatic art. There are many. These truths challenge each other, recoil from each other, reflect each other, ignore each other, tease each other, are blind to each other. Sometimes you feel you have the truth of a moment in your hand, then it slips through your fingers and is lost."   ~ Harold Pinter

The moment of truth is, after all, only a moment. I wonder, where does it go once the moment is gone? - Jeri Porcaro

Popsicle Sticks and Kool-Aide

"What are we gonna do today Mommy?"

I've been beyond busy with the four little lives I manage as well as mine and my husband's. Summer is here and so are all of the markings of what promises to be an eventful one.

Popsicle sticks showing up in the oddest places when I could swear they were put in the garbage can almost religiously after each child finished theirs. Smudgy little hand prints ranging in different sizes all over the walls up and down the halls, the mud hall floor barely visible from the clutter of a hundred pairs of little shoes and stockings and three or four changes of clothes from one hot summer day... (how many more days are left this summer???) the set for the walking in the woods, the cut offs and tee shirts for running in the sprinkler, the swim suit for running in the sprinkler (because "Mommy, my clothes are all wet silly, I need my swim suit. The other swimsuit because it fits better and the previous one was all wet. And last but not least they are strewn among the play clothes, dress ups, jammies and miscellaneous paraphernalia like power rangers, and spidermen (I say "men" because we have at least five versions of the guy right?) baby dolls, and all their gear (no seriously my daughter's baby doll has got it made. She is dressed better than my one year old Emily, affectionately toted as our "Baby GAP girl." This doll has a stroller that does it all, complete with the removable seat thingy--like, I wish I'd had that when my twins were that age...) I'm sure you get the picture right?

So, I was stumbling through the clutter stepping lightly and actually feeling pretty good that there were no hidden surprises in it so far, like a misplaced PB&J sandwich or diaper that didn't make it to the garage garbage... when out of the blue it hits me--I am a mommy. The real deal. And I felt a surge of mixed emotions. And truthfully, not the ones I expected.

This is what I wanted and waited for and prayed for? Right? Right!

I was supposed to grow up, marry the man of my dreams who was the absolute perfect corporate Executive in the making, have beautiful children with him and be the Kool-Aid mom in the neighborhood complete with the most perfect smile, manicured nails, drives a convertible jag, never looks flustered or tired or exhausted or like a mom. Someone who does it all, and who makes perfectly uniform chocolate chip cookies and takes them to neighbors etc. etc. etc.

Well, I do make playdoe with the kids, and I know how to put the head back on a barbie doll. Its the Polly Pocket stuff that really gets me going though. I mean all the fun stretchy rubber clothes and stuff... Then there are things like tree forts and trampolines, sleepovers and treasures found at Garage Sales (from out of the FREE box...) Swimming and floating down the river in great big inner tubes, bike rides and Slip "N Slides, Easy Bake Ovens and 16 colors of finger nail poish. Did I miss anything? Oh ya, the 12 year old boys who act like it - and 8 year old girls going on 16.

Summer. Well, ready or not here you are! The way I see it, the only way to experience summer is full out!! So, I'll dig down deep and face it head on and go out there and build and paint the best darn Kool-Aide stand in a 10 mile radius with my kids, and come up with a ton of other fun and creative ways to really connect with and influence my children.

What a wake up call--I almost got lost in the overwhelm of laundry and finding which DVDs go into which case without realizing who I am--I am the MOMMY!!!! And I can be my children's heroine and we can live, I mean really live summer days that we never forget. Not because of the boredom, but because of the adventures and the learning and the camaraderie we share each and every day we are blessed to be together.

I can get lost in the laundry or the art of filling up endless days that childhood and dreams are made of with stuff that really matters and makes a difference. I already am more than a kool-aide mom, because I am Steven, Alex, Alyssa and Emily's Mommy and not only do we make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world together, I know how to make gack! And there is no one else in the whole world that I would rather be today or tomorrow or any other day.

"Come on my little sunbeams, climb out of bed! Its summer and we have stuff to do! Hey guys, wake up!! I'm bored! What do you want to do today?.... "

I call down the hall to my sleepy headed children as the sunshine streams in from outside and I reach down to grab the Popsicle stick stuck under my toes for the hundredth time already.

The Beginning - The Reasons Why...

I have been reading several blogs now over the past few months and realized recently, how thoroughly neglected mine has been...

How little credit I have given this little spot to give a larger voice to my thoughts, experiences, insights and day to day prattle that can actually be quite interesting to others.

Some of the blogs I've read are incredibly inspiring and very moving. Others are more playful, and radiate a warmth and love for life that is contagious. As I read along, I find myslef thinking "I could have said that..." I could have writen that..." and I feel drawn further into the blog abyss that has taken the term obsessive compulsion to new heights... LOL literally.

Mark my words, a group will form for Bloggers Anon. before you know it... "And then he warned me that if I didn't stop blogging at bedtime, that was it. We were finished. And I heard him, but I just needed to check in on a couple of bloggs for a few minutes..."

I get up and feed the baby and I read blogs. I get the kids their breakfast and while they eat it I read blogs. I take the kids to school and return to blogging... I go to bed and get back up and read bloggs.

"Do real people actually read this stuff?" runs through my thoughts as I type this first post that is more personal than I ever planned in the beginning to get with you fellow bloggers out there. I mean do people actually read this stuff? Because if they do, I've got stuff to say and I think I am ready to start saying it.

Are you ready? Well, ready or not... its begun.

I have joined the world of those who believe what they say has worth, and meaning and that somewhere out there someone cares to read it and they do, read it I mean, right after they finish the dishes and feed the cat, and the best part is, that somewhere out there someone likes what they read and write enough to say so... and who actually link to your site so that after the kids are asleep, they can see what you might have written today. Here I go then, sharing the pebbles in my pocket...

This conversation with those of you who land here purposefully or otherwise, has intrigued me. Am I amusing myself or is it that I feel an exilerating high brought on by anticipation and one parting thought ... I've been meaning to write and connect for the longest time... and now that I am actually doing it, I can't tell you how much I look forward to again because I've got stuff to say and I think saying it here, is going to be really good for me, and I hope for others as well!